Embracing the Inner Child

For "Throw Back Thursday" I found a picture of me when I was around 7.  I'm looking at the camera with a confidence...I don't ever remember having, my hair is in braids...I'm sunburned and freckled.  I'm wearing a bikini and have a flower in my hair.

When I showed the picture to Gordon, he said, "You still have that look."  I laughed because I realized that the only reason he sees that look is because he has embraced me with so much love that I can feel like that little girl.

I've spent a lot of time thinking of that little girl.  I know that her life was kind of scary....she had parents who were alcoholics.  I know that little girl had moments of absolute terror....I know she was shy and socially awkward....she was also at times bratty.  I know that she was looking for something to make her feel safe.

And so that little girl grew up....she tried being the "good girl"....she tried hanging out with guys who were gay and then she could "feel safe"....she spent some time mad at God.....and then one day....on Facebook she found an old friend who was living HIS dream and she wanted to find that friend and to know what that felt like.

So...she did....and as they were waist deep in Puget Sound....she discovered that he was looking for someone to make him feel safe too.

And so this woman found a man who helped her find the little girl in the picture....the one looking at the camera with confidence....and ironically because of the love of this guy she knew this little girl came out in full force.   The little girl who loved gingham and "Little House on the Prairie" and wanted nothing more than to live "simply" to make things like yarn, and butter, and cheese....who wanted to grow things and spend her days caring for goats and dogs and learn how to can pushed her way through.....the little girl knew that there was good in the world....that she could trust straight guys and call herself a "maker'...and that it was OK to curl up with 2 dogs and a cat at night.

The grown up Kaycee is grateful for her amazing man who found her.....took her to an Island and said, "Go ahead....you can dream here."

And so I say to all the grown ups out there, who maybe felt scared or ashamed or angry as children.....find the moment when you didn't feel that way....talk to that friend and let them know they can come out.....and see what magic comes from there.