Becoming an Episcopalian

I grew up....well from the time I was 10 in a church.....as a teen I was very involved with my youth group and my church....I really loved the church life.

In my 20's, I became disillusioned with the Church....I didn't like some of the things I saw....the way people were treated....and so I kind of fell away from organized religion....I didn't turn my back on God....but I found Him in other ways....through being with my creatures, in nature, in the beauty around me....and I was content.

About 4 years ago I reconnected with an old friend from my church days....he had the same view on religion I did....and well he had a crush on me "back in the day"....and we dated and got married, and even in our wedding I worked very hard to make it a "secular event"....I worked very hard to keep "God" out of our wedding....I used words like "the Universe" in our vows....but Gordon's dad is a Preacher, and so there was a little bit of Jesus in our day.

And we were content with our lack of religion in our lives...but we were happy.

A little over a year ago, we began the conversation that maybe we wanted to try church again....we wound up going to an Episcopal Church a little bit away from our house.  We fell in love with the people, and I began....slowly....to invite God back into my life.  But we spent the year getting used to our church....and we really didn't make any hard commitment to the church.

Well....the Bishop comes every three years to Confirm or Baptize, as a result, there have been classes offered about Episcopal Church Basics, offered by a retired Priest, who is also a friend of ours.  And so we decided to take the classes, to learn more about our church, and why they believe what they believe....and I've loved it....I've enjoyed learning more and more about this church which is so steeped in tradition.

But as I've sat there....taking notes....reading the "Book of Common Prayer", I've begun to really think about making this commitment to this church....and the idea that Gordon and I are inviting Jesus back into our lives.  I find myself getting nervous.....not so much about the church itself....but about making God part of my life....about being part of a church again.....and how familiar that feels to me.  I'm not having second thoughts.....I'm excited....but the thing that was in my heart as a teen is waking up....maybe I'm afraid of being hurt again....the way I imagine the church did before.

But I know the Holy Spirit is there....and there in a way that is very comfortable for me....it's a quiet gently wisdom that I have in my heart.....I love the feeling I have in the church.....I love the accountability that the church offers.....I appreciate the way that the congregation has welcomed us as we are....they say, "Wherever you are in your journey....you are welcome."....or something along those lines....and we feel that....and we love it.

And so this Sunday, Gordon and I will be received into the Episcopal Church.....we will become Episcopalians.....we will be "church people" again....this is both scary and exciting....we are certainly being received with open arms.....and for that I am very excited.

Under the Maple

I can remember the Summers when I was in High School....it was before I was driving....we lived way out in the middle of nowhere and so I was left to entertain myself when I wasn't "going to town" to be with my friends.  I was a romantic girl with way too much time on my hands and a Library Card.

And so, I remember spending the hot days going to the river with my mom and sister....but what I remember was reading.

I would go out to the pasture....or the woods....or under an ancient pear tree and I would read.  I read books by Grace Livingston Hill that were written between the 20's to the 50's....I read L.M Montgomery.....Poems by Emily Dickinson....Henry David Thoreu....anyone that wasn't modern.  I remember sitting with my dog, Sundance and thinking this was the way to live your life.  (This was when the Monkees weren't on.)  I remember reading so much, it would be jarring to sit down with my family and face the real world.  I would forget what was real and what was fantasy.

As I got older, and got a car, my life got busier, and I wanted to live in the city....I wanted a different life than being so far away from the country....I wanted to live close to the store.  To be able to walk to the store if I wanted.

And so.....I lived in the city....I didn't love it.....and so as I got older I moved further and further from the city....and finally to an Island.

Well.....for the Summer I've been trying to make jellies....I've been spending my time the goats, and the dogs and I've been "making".  The other day I got a good book, and decided to go sit under our maple and to read.....and it was an amazing experience.....and as I lay on my back, looking up through the leaves to the sky I said a prayer of Thanksgiving for the opportunity to sit under a tree and read a book with my Charley, Corky and Nigel surrounding me....and I thought of the young me doing the same and how I wish I could go back and tell her how it was all going to end up....and that the city wasn't the thing she was born for.