Since that time I've been thinking of him....I see him through the corner of my eye when I'm doing chores, or walking around the house....that gives me comfort....and for a while I kept seeing this auburn colored butterfly that would even fly back and forth in front of our living room window....I'm pretty sure that was him just making sure we're OK....and we are....and I'm grateful for so much. I'm grateful for the "Last Good Day" we had as a family....we didn't know that was what it was....we went to an art event in Everett, Sorticulture. Charley walked with us....smelling food....meeting dogs....we even all went to dinner afterwards at a place that let us bring our dogs outside....and Charley spread out on the ground, in the sun, warming his bones and so, for that I have no regrets....it was just another day for us.
I'm grateful that we didn't know how sick he was....if that's what it is....that on Sunday he was fine....Monday things were strange....Tuesday he was bad.....Wednesday he died....there wasn't the up and down that sometimes comes at the end of life.....he just was....and then he was really sick....and then he died.
I'm grateful that I got to spend his last day with him....I sat with him....sang....just was.....I cried....a lot....but I was with my boy as his body began to slow down. We were surrounded with love....our friends....and then his doctor came and she helped him leave, peacefully, gently, mindfully.
I am so lucky I knew a dog who was just a part of me....if I was there, the chances were pretty good that he was there....every vacation we took almost was with him in mind. But with great power comes great responsibility.....and the downside of love like that is that when it's not there....physically....in the way you had grown accustomed to....the pain is enormous. And every day my soul aches when I wake up and I realize that my constant companion for 14 years isn't here...and yet he is with me.
