Princesses

On Sunday I was with my husband having my birthday tea, wearing a tiara and we were discussing getting a princess book for our friend who's going to have a baby girl this year.  We discussed whether the mom would want her daughter to have a princess book, and I remembered when I worked as a Director at a Childcare Center in Burlington and I got it in my head that the little girls shouldn't play "princess".

My thinking was that fairy tales aren't real....and the "handsome prince" is never going to come and rescue you....so there's no point using your imagination on such frivality.....that girls need to be strong and take care of themselves....they must know that they are the ones who will rescue them...they can't rely on some "guy" to do it.  I very quickly changed this for the simple fact that all children need fantasy, and imagination and dragons and dinosaurs and crowns and capes and all the things that make childhood what it is.

But.....if I were to be completely honest with myself....what made me so opposed to "princess play"?  I loved it as a child.  I would spend hours standing on the hearth of our fireplace lip synching to "Cinderella", "Snow White", "The Wizard of Oz" and dancing to "The Music Box Dancer" or acting out "Little House on the Prairie" (this was in between lining up my stuffed animals and giving them names and taking attendance).....fantasy was my whole life.  Pretending that I was a beautiful princess, or a strong prairie girl with a dog who didn't need a leash was what I clung to.....I was waiting for my prince to come....and to rescue me....and I certainly wanted to "Live Happily Ever After".....or at least make my own butter and be with a dog who didn't need a leash.

And so my life moved on....and as a socially awkward chubby girl with weird wavy hair I quickly learned that "Love was meant for beauty  queens....and not ugly duckling girls like me".....and I soon figured out that there was never going to be a prince on his steed who was going to sweep me up and take me to his castle.  And so I think I got a little bitter.  In my twenties my friends all married and I felt just a little stuck and still awkward, and so I went to gay bars with my friends....went to school got a job with a retirement plan because again I knew.....I wasn't going to find "true love" so I better take care of myself....I would have guy friends....but not a guy who loved me more than anything....certainly I was not destined to ever be someone's princess.....and my handsome prince was going to be a beautiful red dog with a fox tail who DID love me more than anyone else (and he didn't need a leash)....and I think I was content....but jaded....and certainly against any idea of "Princesses and Princes".

But then....when I was about to turn 40.....everything changed......my prince came.....he took me to a magical land that I was carried to by "ferries"....he had a gray "steed" and he showed me that dreams do come true.....I had forgotten.....he turned me into a believer.  I even got to be a "princess" for a day at our beautiful wedding.  And our "Happily Ever After" consists of goats who will be milkers....and we will make cheese with that milk....and dogs without leashes.....and cider presses and mushroom kits......our castle is a little yellow house that doesn't hold much heat and hardly has any storage....but it's "our'n" and we love it.....and yes things aren't perfect....but what is?  And he even wears his crown and has a robe.

So I wish I could go back to 36 year old Kaycee thinking she was doing right by the girls in her center and say, "Dreaming is good"....certainly Disney is too commercial....but princesses aren't bad....it's the kind of play that you only get once in a lifetime.....and just because the dream isn't exactly like it is in the books....it's still a dream.....and it's what makes a girl powerful and beautiful.....and yes there is disappointment.....but life IS beautiful....and if you quiet down and listen, you can find the beauty....and you can dream....and your dreams can change....but they can come true.....and there is a "Somewhere over the Rainbow"....and it can be right in our own backyard.

Thank You St Francis

Today was the day we celebrate St Francis.  He is certainly my favorite saint....I believe he probably was a little Wabi Sabi.....he certainly didn't fit in...he preached to birds.....and he believed in Social Justice.  He is someone I certainly connect with.

And so today in church they talked about him....and this afternoon they had a Blessing of the Animals.  And so I brought Charley and Corky back to church....sweet Charley loves our church yard....I like to think he loves peaceful places....he quiets down and seems solemn.

And so Charley, Corky and I went to the Blessing....we read and responded....we prayed and Charley and Corky were blessed by our Priest....who is an animal lover himself....as we prayed together as a group for animals and creatures everywhere....those who are lost, or suffering, or dying....and I thought of my sweet Layla who has left us...and I thought of the boys who are my charges and all they do for us.  As I took in the beautiful surrounds of our church grounds...the statue of St. Francis....the trees the people.  And someone asked if the blessing helps animals go to Heaven....what is this for?  I thought about that while we read and prayed and repeated....why do I do this?  It's my covenant with my creatures.....it's what reminds me the pact I made with them....when I saw each of them in the shelter....the promise.....I guess that I made to their Creator.....that I would care for them, I would give them warm places to sleep, I would keep them clean and brushed and fed and most of all I would just be the place where they can be safe, and have fun, and know that they are free of any fear or danger or harm.  That is why I bring my boys, and wish I could bring the girls....to remind me of my promise to them....and to thank them for the promise they have made to me....to be with me, listen to me, keep me safe.....and walk with Gordon and I on this journey.
And when the time comes, I will be with my boys.....I will hold their head in my lap and I will kiss them, and thank them, and wish them well as they leave this life they had with me.
And the other part of St. Francis for me, is his prayer, and how I have a covenant with the other beings around me....to help them....to co-exist and be a "part of the solution" in this very dark and frightening world.
"Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.  Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is discord, union; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy.  Grant that we may not so much seek to be consoled and to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love.  For it is giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and is in dying that we are born to eternal life."  That is his prayer.....and I think that if Charley prayed in the way we do, this would be his prayer.
And so as I picked apples, he ran in the field and played I watched him enjoy this beautiful day and I thanked his Creator for entrusting us with a beautiful red dog named Charley, a goofy blonde boy named Corky, a strong willed goat name Cali and a sweet goofy girl named Daisy and a bigger than life chef who believes in my dreams so much that they become my own, and helps to make them possible.