The Gloaming

I was out walking in "The Gloaming" as my mom used to call it....probably still does.  The Gloaming is an Irish term for the end of the day, when the sun turns kind of pinkish orange....as a result everything kind of glows....thus "The Gloaming"....this time of day reminds me of the house I spent a good chunk of time in growing up.  It was a beautiful log house, and it had a view of Deer Mountain.  I always called it "My Mountain"....I still do....but the sunset would hit it and it would turn pinky orange.
So as I walked and looked at the glow, I thought of those days.....and the log house I grew up in....and my family....and I was sad....very sad.....I missed the illusion of the family I thought I had in those days.
The funny thing is I don't really remember that part of my childhood....not really.....so I guess it really was an illusion.
And so....some things have happened in the last few weeks....and I have come to realize that my family may be broken beyond repair.....and that makes me sad.  I still have the people in my life.....my mom, sister, niece and nephew.....but it just feels so sad and broken.
And then I looked up at my little yellow house....by no means a show place....or a log cabin....but it's "our'n"....and there's my garden, my garden filled with weeds....but still growing things beautifully.....and there's the girls' house, built by my husband and his friend....and the girls who are a little spoiled, but sweet.  And then there's the dogs.....Charley who is perfect beyond measure.....and Corky who pees on our floors and ends up in the parking lot of the restaurant where he almost gets hit.....but is cute....but if anyone's looking for a Havanese-Yorkie mix I don't think I'd tell you no.
And I walked in my kitchen where the buckle is cooling and I made whipped cream with my light green Kitchenaid.....I think of this life that is real.....this life I share with my husband.....and the people who love us.......and the lives that have touched mine.....I guess you create the family that works for you.....and with that I do....I have my sister and her kids whom I adore....I have my In-Laws who have welcomed me with open arms....we have friends who are like family to both of us a "Family of Choice".
And so....today I think of things that are real.....solid....true.....and beautiful.  I have a husband who loves me......who works very hard and does what he does well.  I help kids, I believe in what I do.....it's hard....but I love it....it wears me out.
These are things that are true.....these are the things I cling to....this is the life I embrace in The Gloaming.