The Mama of Here

It's been a few weeks....but Mother's Day was upon us.  This year I found myself in a bit of a funk.  Facebook was filled with thoughts like "You haven't loved until you've been a mother" or photos of generations of mothers sitting together.  The parking lot next door at the restaurant was filled with mothers being adored by their Children and Grandchildren eating carefully prepared meals being cooked by my husband and his staff, and he couldn't be with me.  I was sad and selfish....but it was how I felt.  And what we believe beyond anything else is that you have a right to feel the way you feel.
I have never given birth to children....although I have spent my life caring for and nurturing other people's children...and have even made some life long connections with the charges I have come upon in my 25 years of childcare....but I've never stayed up all night with a child with a fever....I've never cried as my baby went of to Kindergarten....went to college....or walked down the aisle....I never will.
Anyway....these were the thoughts that filled my mind on a holiday that really is a made up hallmark holiday.
Gordon came home and I was little melancholy feeling sorry for myself because I am not a mom.  I was even a little teary.  I told him how I was feeling....that I'm not a mom.....Gordon looked at me and said "You are the Mamma".  I said....dogs don't count.  He looked at at me...."You're the nurturer of here.....you care for everything here....the house.....the dogs.....the goats....the garden.....you keep us alive.....you're our mom....you're the creator, nurturer and lover of here.....that is what a mamma is."
I smiled....he was right.....I've not stayed up all night with a human child....but I have with a doggs....when the girls are a little off, I'm there, trying to figure out what to do to help them.  Next spring I will sit up with them and help them while they have their babies....and I'll feed and care for their babies like I would my own.  When my sweet boys need to cross the "rainbow bridge" and "graduate" from this world, I will be there with them telling them I love them and help them cross with peace in their hearts knowing they can go and that it is OK.

So today....after a beautiful morning at church....I was out weeding my garden.....talking to my girls....playing frisbee with Charley....checking to see how many slugs have died crossing through the sluggo I layed down in  an effort to keep my covenant with my garden....I looked at my charges....including the birds who eat the worms who live in said garden....and I was grateful to the God who entrusted all this to me....and I think of all the other women who are mothers in different ways....to each of us who don't have a baby who we adopted or birthed, but who care for other women's babies as their own, or care for furry babies, or who tend a beautiful garden, or make a blanket, or care for the sick and dying....I nod myhead to you....we are the sisters who help this beautiful world keep turning.....and to the "sisters" in Oklahoma who kept other people's babies safe in school, I tip my hat to you....I raise my drink to you.....thank you for still loving even if you've never had a baby.