Bliss

Well, as I shared earlier, I decided to leave my relatively well paying job in "town" to take a job in Coupeville, for less money, but I thought it would be nice to be closer to home, and without the commute I'd be better able to spend more time caring for my girls, my dogs, my garden and my husband.  Well, after a beautiful weekend at a lake, I started my new job last Wednesday.  Well....after about 1 hour there, I realized I had made an enormous mistake....I was screaming inside....I couldn't believe I had made this choice....I felt like a failure....I felt like a quitter.....I wanted to sail across the sound and sit in what used to be my desk and look at people when they looked at me quizzically and say, "Oh....I just wanted  a vacation and didn't have any more leave."  The only thing was, a very qualified co-worker had taken my position....and so I couldn't do that to her....but I felt completely lost.

And then I got a call from the center I had left to work at Tomorrow's Hope....I had applied for the position of Program Supervisor there but didn't get the position.  The director there was offering me a position, with less hours than I was working in Coupeville, but with the promise of more hours in the future, and the opportunity to sub on the days I wasn't working.

I called Gordon and told him I couldn't do the job in Coupeville, but I had just gotten offered a position in Langley, and it was fewer hours, but I'd have Mondays off....so we'd be guaranteed a day off together, unless I had to work, but we had that choice.

Gordon has an incredible work ethic (the reason he has a restaurant with his name on it....his motto is "15 minutes early is on time....on time is late"....he would never ever just up and leave a job without ever giving notice....he probably wouldn't take a job like I had....so he wouldn't be in that position.  He works his rear off daily....sometimes working 12 hours a day without a break....he drops everything to cover a shift of someone who can't make it in.....he's committed....and even if he was working for someone else, he'd be the same way.

And so, here I was telling this man...to whom work is everything....that I can't do a job that I shouldn't have taken anyway.....but he said, "I would never do that....but you need to do what you need to do."

And so I took the job....not knowing if I could go back to the place in Coupeville.....and I went back for the rest of the day (this was my second day)

I went home with a sense of peace about leaving, just not knowing what I would be able to do with the other job....but with a start date of 1 week later.

Gordon saw how I felt, and I think it made him feel a little better....knowing I had made a mistake.

On Friday I went back to work.....and during my lunch I saw some friends from church....they asked me how my new job was....I told them I was leaving and that I found a job better suited to me even closer to home....I didn't complain....but they knew what I was trying to say....or I imagine that they did....and somehow talking to them made me feel even better about my choice.

Long story short I sent an email to my boss on Friday night saying I wouldn't be back....I just couldn't/  In my defense she had been out all week and so I couldn't talk to her.

And so today....the eve of my "First day of school...part 2....I'm spending my day cleaning....listening to music and watching my girls, my dogs, my sweet little life here.....I'm filled with excitement....peace and gratefulness for this little life I have....and that although my husband doesn't agree with the fact that I couldn't go back....or that I'm taking 3 more days off.....he still loves me....supports me....and smiles because he believes in me and my heart and in the fact that I am closer to home....and that I have a little more flexibility to deal with emergencies here....and during kidding season I'll be able to go to work knowing I haven't slept and I'm tired and excited, but I don't think there's a group of co-workers who would be more understanding....and I'd be 15 minutes away so I could run home on lunch and feed our new babies...and I'd have a great story to share with the kids on my class.

So...again....here I sit....feeling grateful for an amazing husband who smiles at his foolish wife who always seems to land on her feet....and is able to live the life we both dream of....even if we will have to scrimp and save a little more to make it happen.

And this morning, I went with him as he got things ready at work and we danced to Tom Waits in the kitchen and kissed and he said, "You can do this more if you're working on the Island"....so we both know this was a good choice.