Under the Maple

I can remember the Summers when I was in High School....it was before I was driving....we lived way out in the middle of nowhere and so I was left to entertain myself when I wasn't "going to town" to be with my friends.  I was a romantic girl with way too much time on my hands and a Library Card.

And so, I remember spending the hot days going to the river with my mom and sister....but what I remember was reading.

I would go out to the pasture....or the woods....or under an ancient pear tree and I would read.  I read books by Grace Livingston Hill that were written between the 20's to the 50's....I read L.M Montgomery.....Poems by Emily Dickinson....Henry David Thoreu....anyone that wasn't modern.  I remember sitting with my dog, Sundance and thinking this was the way to live your life.  (This was when the Monkees weren't on.)  I remember reading so much, it would be jarring to sit down with my family and face the real world.  I would forget what was real and what was fantasy.

As I got older, and got a car, my life got busier, and I wanted to live in the city....I wanted a different life than being so far away from the country....I wanted to live close to the store.  To be able to walk to the store if I wanted.

And so.....I lived in the city....I didn't love it.....and so as I got older I moved further and further from the city....and finally to an Island.

Well.....for the Summer I've been trying to make jellies....I've been spending my time the goats, and the dogs and I've been "making".  The other day I got a good book, and decided to go sit under our maple and to read.....and it was an amazing experience.....and as I lay on my back, looking up through the leaves to the sky I said a prayer of Thanksgiving for the opportunity to sit under a tree and read a book with my Charley, Corky and Nigel surrounding me....and I thought of the young me doing the same and how I wish I could go back and tell her how it was all going to end up....and that the city wasn't the thing she was born for.

Nigel the Wondercat who Believed in Himself

Last January I discovered that the cat who lived in our crawl space, who wasn't our cat, but the cat of Wabi Sabi Hill, whom we affectionately have called Dahlia, wasn't really doing her job because I discovered signs of rodents in my kitchen....aaggh.....understanding that we have goats and live next to a restaurant this could be expected, but I was still disturbed, and so I told my husband, "we need a cat". And so the search began.
In February we went to NOAH in Stanwood with one cat in mind, but Gordon chose the cat he felt would be the cat we needed.
And so we took home the cat we called Nigel. Nigel tore his way out of the transport box and spent the rest of the trip sitting on my lap.

When we got Nigel home we realized that he was enormous and when he played with the toys we got him, he would lay on his back and bat at them....with great vim and vigor....but he wouldn't run and jump and play. We decided....Well....he's definitely a Stewart. When he went outside for the first time, we laughed because he couldn't climb a tree. My friend came over and said, "That cat won't be able to catch a cold".
And so Nigel got into our hearts.....he is decidedly Gordon's cat and welcomes people to the restaurant and has found his way into our hearts.
But....this cat whom we thought was really not a mouser has left little gifts for us on the walkway, but I still really didn't think that our "fat cat" was the one doing the work.
Well....this morning as I sat on my porch drinking my coffee I watched Nigel with a mouse in his mouth and I watched him tease the mouse and chase the mouse and kill the mouse. My heart is overwhelmed with pride at our fat cat who I really didn't believe would be the mouser we needed believed in himself, and is a fine mouser.....who catches way more than colds here on our little hill.

The Beasts of Gordon's

Years ago when Gordon and I were keeping company, he made me a beautiful meal at the restaurant....it was a Monday, so it was just the two of us, and he created a feast and "took me around the world" with flavors and textures.....I don't remember the specific foods he served, but what I do remember was going for a walk with him around the restaurant and standing in the herb patch and looking over at an abandoned house next door and as Gordon hugged me (we weren't to the kissing stage yet) I realized that I had found my split apart....and so in the embrace of my old friend, I looked over and saw the boarded up yellow house and I made a wish that someday we would live in that house and create a "farm to table" restaurant where I would provide the meat, cheese and veggies for him.

Fast forward 4 years and we're in that house, and I realize that I don't have the financial means to make all those dreams come true.....but in our small way we are realizing that dream....I grow some of his flowers.....some of his veggies....and we house the "Beasts of Gordon's"

As most of you know we have our little menagerie of animals here on Wabi Sabi Hill.....2 beautiful goats, 2 dogs and a splendiferous cat....all of which feel that the restaurant is just an extension of their home.

There's sweet Charley who when I need to run over to the restaurant, and the doors of the house are open, I tell him to "stay" and he does.....usually.....but every now and then I will leave the kitchen and will see a customer, usually a "regular" holding a frisbee....smiling as Charley has invited them to engage in a quick game either before or after dinner.....I'm sure it aids in digestion.

There's darling Corky.....who is deathly afraid of the kitchen and all it's sounds....but if he gets over there and I find him, is usually getting a quick belly rub from some patron.

There's Nigel who greets customers and I've heard from many people that they see him or he has come by.....one time Gordon had to bring him home because he had walked into the dining room.....and why not....he IS Nigel.

But the best is my girls....these timid creatures who when we were getting ready to bring them to our house, they would hide behind their mamma and would have to be coaxed with peanuts and  evergreen branches just to let us touch them.....these girls are apparently show girls.....they ADORE attention.....and one day when I had let them out while I was cleaning their house (just around dinner time) they found their way over to the restaurant.  And so I came over with their garbage can filled with peanuts (which usually makes them do anything I want) and as I was trying to entice them with peanuts, they heard their friend Analiese laugh....and so they ran to her.....Gordon came out of the kitchen and so they ran to him.....and just then some guests were coming to have some dinner and Gordon went to greet them, and he was surrounded by our goats, dogs and cat....all of them being fed, petted and adored by these people who'd never been.  It was difficult to get the girls to leave the party....they were STARS!!!!!!  Which is funny because I always sing the song "Sisters" from White Christmas to them when I'm feeding them....and so they were Rosemary Clooney and Vera-Ellen surrounded by fans.

With the help of the chef, I did get them home....but it took some doing....the LOVED the spotlight.

And now I am leash training them so at least they can be completely under my power if they go to visit patrons again.

And so....the vision I had of a "Farm to Table" place is.....as it is with most things.....not what I planned....but what I needed....and all of these creatures who came to us timid, scared, a little shy have all grown into the life of the party.....just like their papa....Mister South Whidbey himself....and I don't think I'd have it any other way.

Embracing the Inner Child

For "Throw Back Thursday" I found a picture of me when I was around 7.  I'm looking at the camera with a confidence...I don't ever remember having, my hair is in braids...I'm sunburned and freckled.  I'm wearing a bikini and have a flower in my hair.

When I showed the picture to Gordon, he said, "You still have that look."  I laughed because I realized that the only reason he sees that look is because he has embraced me with so much love that I can feel like that little girl.

I've spent a lot of time thinking of that little girl.  I know that her life was kind of scary....she had parents who were alcoholics.  I know that little girl had moments of absolute terror....I know she was shy and socially awkward....she was also at times bratty.  I know that she was looking for something to make her feel safe.

And so that little girl grew up....she tried being the "good girl"....she tried hanging out with guys who were gay and then she could "feel safe"....she spent some time mad at God.....and then one day....on Facebook she found an old friend who was living HIS dream and she wanted to find that friend and to know what that felt like.

So...she did....and as they were waist deep in Puget Sound....she discovered that he was looking for someone to make him feel safe too.

And so this woman found a man who helped her find the little girl in the picture....the one looking at the camera with confidence....and ironically because of the love of this guy she knew this little girl came out in full force.   The little girl who loved gingham and "Little House on the Prairie" and wanted nothing more than to live "simply" to make things like yarn, and butter, and cheese....who wanted to grow things and spend her days caring for goats and dogs and learn how to can pushed her way through.....the little girl knew that there was good in the world....that she could trust straight guys and call herself a "maker'...and that it was OK to curl up with 2 dogs and a cat at night.

The grown up Kaycee is grateful for her amazing man who found her.....took her to an Island and said, "Go ahead....you can dream here."

And so I say to all the grown ups out there, who maybe felt scared or ashamed or angry as children.....find the moment when you didn't feel that way....talk to that friend and let them know they can come out.....and see what magic comes from there.

They Didn't Knock Each Other's Head Off

Yesterday we took the dogs to the beach.....it was beautiful because it was the first time we've taken both dogs to the beach and Corky went into the water, and got up to his chin....he was brave and he trusted us.  Charley caught sticks in the water and seemed to really enjoy himself too.  After the dogs tired themselves out we went to our chairs and I read and Gordon napped.

While reading we noticed two school-aged boys playing.  I was enjoying them play because they weren't my charges.....the only responsibility I had was to call 911 if the boys knocked each other's heads off.  So, I sat back and watched.

Being a person who doesn't have children, but has spent her entire professional life working with children, I've very seldom had the opportunity to just sit back and watch kids do what they're going to do without intervening.....and so, I sat back and watched these boys' play unfold.  And it was fascinating to me.

These two boys playing in the water at the beach were being wild...just playing in the water.  On the beach there was a stick in the sand, the smaller boy pulled the stick out and announced, "I have Excallaber!!!!"  The other boy watched him as he danced around flinging this stick....I have to admit this was pretty hard for me because I've been conditioned (because I care for other people's children) to redirect this kind of play.  This boy did not appear to have any idea where his personal space began or ended....he spun the stick in the air.....once I let go of the need to remind him to be safe with his stick, I sat back and watched....and it was fun.

Finally the other boy found his own stick and the two began to do sword play with their sticks.  And they played, every once in a while the smaller boy would say, "New rule, you can't hit that hard!" and the bigger boy would not hit as hard.  They started splashing and hitting with their sticks.  I was riveted.....I had to know how this was going to end.....because the logical ending would be that one of the boys would knock the other boy's head off.....I've always kind of believed that without adult intervention, that would be what would happen.  (I need to digress in that I have worked with children who would be capable of knocking the other child's head off with the stick....or I have worked with children exposed to violence and having another child come at them with a stick would be overwhelming and they might react).....and so I watched this play continue.

And now this game they were calling "War" involved mud throwing....and they threw, but then the smaller boy said, "New rule, you can't throw mud"....and the bigger kid invoked the newer rule:  "New rule, you CAN throw mud!!!!" and so this went on for a few more minutes, and finally the bigger kid started walking away, the smaller one yelling, "You CAN'T just LEAVE war!!!"  and the bigger kid said, "But I am."

And so the game was over.....I was fascinated to see that the game ended without someone getting hurt.  They were allowed to explore the sticks and the mud and play violently (no mention of video games or TV shows).....they problem solved....and the game ended when it became boring to the older kid.

This was amazing to me....these two boys played in a way they would never be able to in a group setting.....they played violently....aggressively.....the way boys want to play, but so often are told they can't.  I loved it....and I was proud of these boys who played with sticks and didn't get their heads knocked off.

Something for me to think about.......

The Beauty of Old Friends

Yesterday was my "Bosom Friend's Birthday".....we decided that we could get together with some of our friends from our youth to celebrate her special day....and so....because two of the women live in Eatonville and University Place, we decided to meet at a place in Tacoma to "meet in the middle".

And so, 5 women who were friends when they were in High School in Arlington got together.

What was so beautiful was that although it felt like time had passed....we were obviously older....but there was a ease to being together.....there was a beauty....it was like life had happened, time had passed....but our hearts had stayed connected in the way it only can when you've begun your life with a group of people.

We talked....we remembered things....we shared our lives and our stories.....we were Kindred Spirits.

And so...there we were....a Mom who has homeschooled her 4 children.....a Pastor's Wife with 5 beautiful children and dogs.....a Social Worker with 2 gorgeous darlings....a Middle School Teacher with grandbabies.....and a Jelly Maker with goats, dogs and dreams.....what I loved most was that I believe that we are all adored by our loving husbands.

What I know is that I am blessed by the friends I have in my life.....and I am blessed beyond measure by the girls who stood by me and loved me when I was a chubby girl who was a bundle of insecurity and a quirky sense of humor.

And so....Sharanne, Bonni, Cara & Kim....I am blessed to have had you by my side in my teens....and I am blessed to know you now.  Thank you for being part of what made me who I am today.

And as the Birthday Girl and I drove to the ferry, with "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" playing on the radio, and we talked of the serendipitous moments that led to her dating her husband of 20 years this June, I smiled and said a silent prayer of thanksgiving for this girl who has stood by me through all the serendipitous and not so serendipitous moments that have guided my life....I can count my good friends on both hands.....and for that I am eternally grateful.

When Lilacs Last in Dooryard Bloomed....again

Lilacs are my favorite flower.....I planned a wedding around them.....I've always measured the passage of time by them.  It was one of the many reasons I chose to live in the house we live in.  I wish I had thought about ventilation.....good storage.....something a little more practical then a really cool attic and lilacs....but I digress.

Last year I wrote about "When Lilacs Last in Dooryard Bloomed"....I talked about the poem by Walt Whitman and the stress and joy that went into planning our sweet wedding.....and I find that once again I am taken in by the beauty of the lilacs that are blooming in our door yard....and how again my life has changed so dramatically.

When the lilacs were last in our yard blooming....I was remembering our wedding....but I was also looking forward to a beautiful Summer ahead of us....I was looking forward to breeding our young goats, and finding a way to balance having a full-time job off Island with the life I was trying to build here on our hill.

This year, we decided not to breed our goats.  We decided we wanted to have a milking space built and be better prepared for the ups and downs which come from raising goats.  And so we have our young goats who are very spoiled and who we walk around the property with.  They are a joy and a pleasure to share this space with.

Unfortunately, we have more lilacs this year than last, because we lost their mamma last Summer, and because she loved to eat the lilacs we put her beneath the lilac tree and Gordon planted one just for her.....and it's blooming.....and it reminds us of our sweet Layla who shared just a small bit of time here on Wabi Sabi Hill.

This year I am devoting my time to our hill.....I'm making jelly with the blossoms from our tree....and other jellies and am learning to spin....and crochet....and am planting beautiful things in our garden to share with my beautiful husband at his restaurant....and so I guess I feel more like a farmer than I did last year....and we are one step closer to "living off the fat of the land".

And so today, as I was planting and smelling the lilacs on our tree....and I noticed lilacs brewing in their "tea" so I can make some jelly...again....I feel thankful for the lilacs that in my door yard bloom.....I sit next to them....drinking a beer my husband made....watching the goats who next year will be mammas and I thank the Universe....God....for all that we have been entrusted with.  And I look forward to what next Spring brings our way.....and I am forever thankful for the man who took my hand in May of 2012 and became contractually obligated to share this beautiful life.